contemplative
i have learnt that i have terrible self-discipline. (but it's selective.) in any case, when i hate something - when i find it unbearable - i will never be able to put more than a shrug of effort into it. anything more than that is far too troublesome and i'd much rather object than to oblige. quite passionately, too.
however, i will shave the skin from my knuckles to do something for just anyone i care about, no matter how much i hate it. even if it compromises me as me. muddled priorities, i think.
i'm losing sight of myself and yet i know exactly where i'm going at the same time. and that doesn't even make any sense; to have my resolve being coated in steel. although this can simply mean that i'm stupid - with a whole lot of determination to be stupid, and be stupid good...ly.
idk who the duck knew i'd become this flamboyant about my own welfare? :(
nvm putting the above aside, ..... eh i'm quite lost on what i wanna input next 'cos i logged on Maplestory halfway through the entry and now that i'm back, i don't know where my train of thoughts went lol. sunflower must be cursing after reading this entry rofl.
ok maybe job-wise, it sucks this month especially when the crowd's really small and my job is highly dependent on customer walk-ins :( no sales closure = no commission! throws tantrums.
right now there's a plane which just flew past above. i'm so so so paranoid. 2 days ago there was a plane which flew really low, the engines were roaring above. i couldn't stop thinking that a bomb is gonna be dropped to blow up Singapore. then my mum assured that the plane would have been shot down if it's not licensed to enter the SG territory ....
idk, goodnight.
however, i will shave the skin from my knuckles to do something for just anyone i care about, no matter how much i hate it. even if it compromises me as me. muddled priorities, i think.
i'm losing sight of myself and yet i know exactly where i'm going at the same time. and that doesn't even make any sense; to have my resolve being coated in steel. although this can simply mean that i'm stupid - with a whole lot of determination to be stupid, and be stupid good...ly.
idk who the duck knew i'd become this flamboyant about my own welfare? :(
nvm putting the above aside, ..... eh i'm quite lost on what i wanna input next 'cos i logged on Maplestory halfway through the entry and now that i'm back, i don't know where my train of thoughts went lol. sunflower must be cursing after reading this entry rofl.
ok maybe job-wise, it sucks this month especially when the crowd's really small and my job is highly dependent on customer walk-ins :( no sales closure = no commission! throws tantrums.
right now there's a plane which just flew past above. i'm so so so paranoid. 2 days ago there was a plane which flew really low, the engines were roaring above. i couldn't stop thinking that a bomb is gonna be dropped to blow up Singapore. then my mum assured that the plane would have been shot down if it's not licensed to enter the SG territory ....
idk, goodnight.